A letter to my friend who is hurting


Dear friend,

If it is you who are hurting, I am sorry. God will see you through.
But you know this well, because many people have already
reminded you to be strong.
… but…
I am here to tell you that it is okay to hurt.

“It is on the most difficult days when
choosing to love myself
leaves me stronger within.”
~ Allison S. Adams (2016)

2016 Allison S. Adams. Looking through the window with hope.

I think that, one of the most difficult things in life,
is for someone (especially one who usually encourages others),
to really openly and deeply embrace hurt…
and to subsequently process that feeling of hurt
without feeling guilty, or that it is not allowed,
or fear that it might show a weakness of faith.

Here is a something I discovered recently.

It is with all my heart that
I hope this can help you in some way.
It is not advice. It is just my story….
… and it may be of encouragement to you.

You may feel that you have to remain strong in order for you to not,
(or may not)
come across as weak in the eyes of others.

We say “I forgive” and “I’m sorry”

… but do we really? Are we really?
Those words are often said for the sake of doing the ‘right’ thing…
…to prove to oneself (or even worse, to others)
that you are a good person…
or just for the sake of putting it behind us…
but instead it becomes a lie that we live.

This lie keeps us from seeking the power to release,
and we struggle to find the peace within,
… because it will always be lurking close by….

We doubt ourselves and we lose faith in others,
and we miss out on joy and happiness
while we grow sad or miserable and then one day,
something small and insignificant brings out all sorts of emotions,
so far-fetched that we don’t understand where it comes from and why…


It is okay to feel like you just can’t anymore.
You don’t have to.
Because God will carry you through.
Go lay down before Him.
Break down and cry as much as you want or need to.
Be as wanting, needy, hurting, angry, ashamed, disappointed
and all other not so pleasant things… if you have to.
Feel it. Embrace it. Process it.
Let God’s Grace bring you THROUGH it.

“Wash me…”

You will push through on good days, but in reality,
some days will not be okay. And that’s okay. Accept it.
Because you will know that this too shall pass.

When all the wheels want to come off, let them.
Hang on to your Faith to pull you through.

And when all is said and done, in order for us to
dust ourselves off, wipe away the tears and move forward,
we need to to LET GO.

Let go because of… and let go in spite of.

When you pour your box of alabasters before the Lord,
you have to release and hand it over to God completely.
We do this because we want peace of mind,
and we do so in spite of what others do or don’t do.

What is it that we release?

We release our expectations.
Because our Faith should be in God
and we should not to rely on man for our salvation.

Ask Forgiveness.

Repent and make things right before God.
Whether the other person forgives us or not.
All we can do is to be the change we want them to see.
And pray that God will speak to to their hearts.


Forgive with an open heart just like God forgives us daily.
Whether we receive that apology or not.
All we can do is to let it go and ask God to change our own hearts,
and to speak to the heart of others, and forgive them too.

Forgive yourself.

This will be the hardest part of all.
Because you have to be able to live with yourself,
love yourself and be at peace with yourself…
even when no one else will feel like it.

“I do not need the approval of others to
validate my worth.”
~Allison S. Adams (2016)

I have found that the best way
to ensure that I move forward in the process of forgiving myself,
is to understand and love myself for being me.

And the more I grow to love myself for who I am,
the easier it becomes to love others unconditionally.